How To Change Your Mindset and Overcome Your Limiting Beliefs

I fell into a trap last week at a conference and said the words “I can’t learn that…” and immediately felt disappointed. It was a lie, a total limiting belief, and I proclaimed it aloud for all to hear. “Very off-brand, Joe.”

So let’s spend some time talking about Limiting Beliefs.

I love this concept of turning a “Can’t” into a “yes, if…” I love it so much I think I’m going to update my personal leadership philosophy with it – I honestly smile (and get a little irritated) when someone says I can’t do something. Especially in an office environment – where the vast majority of barriers are self imposed and culturally reinforced (cheers to CAPT Mike Oestereicher for that gem of a soundbite).

Said again in case you missed it in the back: The vast majority of barriers are self-imposed and culturally reinforced. I love it.

So what is a Limiting Belief? 

A limiting belief is a story or mindset that restricts you in some way.

They usually start with “I’m not…” or “I can’t…” (There’s that word again…)

-I’m not good enough… 

-I’m not strong enough… 

-I’m not smart enough…  

-I don’t have enough time…

And my favorite:

-I can’t do that…

Once you start listening, you’ll hear them everywhere. Take some time today to spot ten (10) throughout your day. You’ll hear them at the gas station, in the office, in your house, on the radio, etc..

So how do we change our mindset and flip a limiting belief?

1. It starts with you

Check your self-awareness, how many limitations are you putting on yourself.  Sprinkled throughout your day are hundreds of options and choices – at the coffee shop you see the chocolate chip muffin that looks good (“I shouldn’t have that…” so you don’t), you’re at the office and your co-worker eggs you on to share your idea with the boss (“they’ll say no…” so you forget it), when you get home you want to go for a walk with your spouse/friend (“they’ve had a long day, they won’t want to… “ so you either go alone or sit on the couch and watch TV).

These tiny interactions inside you happen all day. Stop and listen to them, acknowledge the conversation is happening. It will take willpower and confidence to overcome these self-imposed negative thoughts – but I promise it’s doable.

Action Step: Every time you say “I can’t…” or “I’m not…” write it down.  How many did you have at the end of the day?

More aggressive Action Step: Do the same above, but this time write down three statements why the opposite is true. 

Example: “I’m not smart enough” 

               a. “People with my same skills do this all the time”

               b. “I have friends/peers that can help me with it.”

               c. “I’ve seen/done something like this before”

2.  Question your beliefs, fiercely.

Where did this idea come from – that “you can’t”?  Who told you that you couldn’t do something? 

Was it your boss? (How well do they truly know your abilities?)

Was it a policy barring you? (well, who wrote it? Policies can be changed – as can laws.)

At some point in your life you’ve been told “no”, probably many times, which can cumulate and train your brain to give up when asking for something or putting yourself out there.

Can you think of a time when someone planted a limiting belief in your head? Go and reflect on that situation – was it true? Would it still be true if you put effort into overcoming it?

Action Step: Every time you come across a negative state of mind or a limiting belief – as yourself “Where did this come from?” and “How can I flip the script on this?”

More Aggressive Action Step: Every time you question a limiting belief – attack it hard with this powerful question: “What would make this a ‘yes’?” Write down 3-5 ways to overcome that obstacle, both mentally and physically.

Remember, you were born with an extremely powerful CPU that can be retrained.

3. See your situation from a neutral point of view.

I call this the “what would you spouse say” method. (assuming your spouse is supportive, “best friends” are also extremely helpful.

When approached by a limiting belief ask yourself this question: “What would my spouse/best friend say if I asked them about this.”

More than likely they’ll approach the situation completely differently and offer a differing perspective. Perfect example: “I don’t think I’m attractive enough…” Swoop in best friend: “NO! Of course you are!”

Action Step: Take your list of limiting beliefs from above and mention a couple situations with your spouse/best friend – don’t tell them your limiting belief, just ask them how they would approach it. You may be surprised with the answers.

More Aggressive Action Step: If you’re particularly prone to overthinking or inaction, then when you ask for their point of view and approach – and it sounds like it could work – perform their suggestion without protest. 

“You should share your idea with the boss – okay, I WILL do it tomorrow”

“You should go talk to that guy at the bar – okay, on my way”

“You should totally go into your own business! – okay, I’ll earnestly start researching it tomorrow!”

Performing the above three suggestions are a surefire way to slowly retrain your brain that almost anything is possible, and I do mean that, with my whole heart – we humans are capable of truly wonderous things.

Turning a CAN’T into a YES, IF…

There is ALWAYS a way. The solution or technology may not exist yet but there is ALWAYS a way to accomplish something.  I tell my staff “Don’t tell me it’s impossible or that it can’t be done, instead tell me what you need to make it happen, and I’ll get to work on that.”

Real examples of recent limitations I've heard:

“You can’t hire them for that job, they don’t meet the criteria.” We proved the criteria was unnecessary to perform the job, and that individual crushed the opportunity.

“You can’t get the AC back in the building without a panel, and it’s 8 weeks on backorder.” We found a used, temporary panel and the building has AC for a few more weeks.

“You can’t award a contract like that, it’s against acquisition law” If we advocate to change the law, will it then be possible? “well…Yes”

Want some different examples??

“You can’t afford that house, it’s $40M dollars on the beach!” I guess we need to find a way to make $40M dollars – or – what if we found a similar house and location in another country?

“You can’t build and scale a small business to 6-7 figures.” Yes I can, if I emulate how others did it.

“You can’t be an astronaut, you’re too old.” Yes I can, if I now just PAY for a ticket to space.

The bottom line here folks: The only person holding you back is you. When you learn to spot your limiting beliefs and flip them, laugh at them, and overcome them – then you will become truly limitless.

Bonus action step: Think of 3 “impossible things” and then think of what would need to happen to overcome them. (I just tried this on my wife, she’s off trying to come up with some.) Good luck!



Thank you for your time today,

Joe

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